“What will they think?! I can’t have gossip floating around about me! I have a reputation to protect.”

“I have a reputation, too!”

“Your reputation is the problem.” She moved toward him and waved her hand around his head. “Do you have hockey pucks for brains?”

He leaned into the edge of a wrought iron garden table and dropped his head. He couldn’t argue with her about his reputation. “Apparently.”

“Look at me.” Kate brought her hands to her chest. David’s expression stilled and grew serious, and his eyes met hers. “Do I look like one of your publicity hungry bimbos?”

He averted his gaze, shook his head.

“I’m in the throes of a custody battle, and my ex-husband’s lawyer will do anything he can to paint me as a bad mother. That kiss will probably be exhibit number one.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kate paced in circles, not quite sure what to do with all the fury that was building inside her.

“Haven’t you done enough?” The words came out on a trembling breath.

She wanted to throttle David, but she found more of her anger was because of Richard—Richard, that asshole and his stupid, manipulating games. Truth be told, she liked the kiss. She liked how David made her feel, but she couldn’t take any chances, not where Laura was concerned.

Kate faced David directly and felt her body tremble. She was on the verge of a breakdown and she couldn’t hide it. “What possessed you to do that?”

“I don’t know.” He stood and ran his hands through his hair. “I thought a ‘big gesture’ would show you I’m serious about us.”

“Big gesture?”

“Coming here, making a big donation, doing something romantic…” He straightened and took a step in her direction. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to cause you problems.”

Kate wrapped her arms around her middle and looked away. She couldn’t face him, but he was so close, consuming all her space, all her conscious thought. The wash of emotions, the feeling she was falling and couldn’t stop herself, was overwhelming. Where was this coming from? Why did he do this to her? Kate felt David’s hand on her shoulder and she looked at his face. Everything he felt was right there, the sadness, the regret, all of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and as he did, he pressed his lips against her forehead.

Kate couldn’t help it. Her breath hitched, and she swallowed a great gulp of air before the sobs broke through the cold.

He took her in his arms, his hand pressing her head into his chest. His other arm was around her back, and Kate felt totally safe and completely defenseless at the same time. She was lost to him. Kate knew she had to put the brakes on this relationship before it destroyed her. But the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Please don’t cry, Kate. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened. Please. Shh… shh.”

“I can’t… I can’t… help it… I…” Kate was losing her breath, and no matter how hard she tried, feeling David’s warmth, feeling his heartbeat under her cheek, was allowing all the emotion that had been stored over the past year to break free in one giant wave.

“There’s no one else. There will be no more pictures. I promise.”

That didn’t help, Kate just cried harder. David whispered to her, trying desperately to staunch the flow.

“I don’t know what to do,” she finally said.

“I’m not a good bet. I know that.” He looked down into her face. “But I’m crazy about you.”

He held her for a few more minutes, keeping her head pressed against him while he stroked her hair. His steady breathing calmed her and his strong arms were safe and secure. It allowed Kate to think about giving in and loving him. It wouldn’t be a stretch, she was just about there, but the wall she’d built was hard to tear down. It was hard to forget how it felt to be left, and she knew that if she fell in love with David and then if he decided he didn’t want her, she wouldn’t survive it.

Finally, she felt strong enough to stand on her own. Her breath was still shaky and her heart was beating like a tom-tom. Kate’s thoughts were scattered all over the place. But she got to the heart of the matter.

Stepping away, she pulled his jacket tight to ward off the cold, and then sat on a garden bench. “So, uh,” she began, “you came here to impress me?”

Kate faced him and David stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking like a man facing the firing squad. “I wanted to show you I was serious.”

“A ticket was five thousand dollars, David.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know.”

“Wow,” she whispered. “You really don’t get it.”

He stepped toward her, almost desperate. She could see the sadness in his face, in his eyes. This was new for him. He was never at a disadvantage with women, and Kate could see he was frustrated. “Then explain it to me. Tell me what I have to do.”

Kate rose and walked to him. Her heart hurt as she gazed up into his face. “Spending all that money just to impress me tells me you think I’m like all the other women in your life. I’m not.” Her tone changed, leveled off. “You’re telling me that it’s a show; that it’s about money. I don’t want that.” She locked eyes with him. “I want someone who can keep his promises. Someone who’s honest.”

They stood facing each other for what seemed like ages. Neither one of them moved, neither one of them spoke. Kate’s response had effectively ended the conversation, and David, who was always quick with a comeback, was now without one. He looked up, and moved toward her, stopping only inches away. Kate was still amazed that a man like him didn’t intimidate her, especially considering her past. He was so big and so strong, yet Kate knew, deep down, he would never, ever hurt her.

David’s large hands reached out and cradled Kate’s head. His fingers laced through her hair and his thumbs grazed over her cheeks. She looked into his molten, brown eyes and saw he was sad, truly sad and sorry, and her own eyes filled with tears again.

He leaned in and touched his lips to hers, first taking tiny sips, then drawing her mouth into a gentle dance. Her insides bubbled up and then melted away as David made her forget who she was, and everything she’d just said, as his mouth captured hers.

When he finally broke the kiss, David leaned back slightly and gazed at her. “I want to be with you. I messed up so bad, but I want to be with you.”

“You may think I’m what you want, but I’m not.” As much as it hurt, Kate shook her head.

It was over. Kate nodded and reached up, covering his hand with her own.

“Kate, please…”

“I can’t do this with you,” she whispered. “I just can’t risk it.”

The quiet that settled between them led to a feeling of resignation. They were over before either of them had a chance to make it matter. Kate looked in his eyes and saw everything she ever wanted. Love. She saw love there, but for some reason she couldn’t trust it was only for her.

“I think it’s a mistake,” he said. “But I won’t bother you anymore.” He stroked her cheek again, still had his fingers tangled in her hair. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

She nodded, but she knew she would never be ready for him. She would never be able to meet his challenge. “Good-bye, David.”

“Good-bye, Kate.” He dropped one last soft kiss on her cheek and left.

Kate stood with David’s jacket still draped over her shoulders. She pulled it around her to ward off the chill, but in doing so she caught a whiff of David’s cologne. And it was the smell, the same one that lingered after they made love, which forced Kate to the conclusion that she wasn’t getting over him anytime soon.

Chapter 13

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December

Kate slapped at the screeching alarm clock and stretched her arms over her head as she sat up. Mornings were hard, especially after a night that brought on the story fast and furious. It happened in waves. For days she wouldn’t write anything, and then inspiration would hit and words flowed like water. Last night had been one of those nights.