I stand there, looking at the floor, and I hold out my arms so he can walk into them and not see me cry. God bless him, he figures me out.

I drive Drew to the hospital but give him the respect he deserves and don’t stay for the tumor board. He calls an hour and a half later and I meet him in Dr. Rosenberg’s office. They decide another round of chemo with an experimental drug added to the protocol. This will go on for two months. If no improvement is seen, then that’s it. They’ve reached the end of the road.

Christmas is next week and we have no tree or decorations. After moving into the house, I was all gangbusters because I knew this would be the perfect home for the holidays. There are a couple of rooms that would be great for Christmas trees, but now I’m pretty sure we won’t have that.

Drew doesn’t start chemo until January and I have a moment of inspiration. I get online and check things out. Then I make a call to Letty and pull her into my surprise, and then Ben. They’re one hundred percent on board. My last hold out is Dr. Rosenberg. When I speak to him, he’s a go, too.

So two days after Christmas, I pack a bag for Drew and I and I tell him I have a surprise. We get in the car and drive to the airport. When we get there, and he sees our destination is Chicago, he wants to know what’s going on. I only jiggle my brows.

“What have you done, Cate?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

The corner of his mouth curls and I can see his wheels spinning. “You haven’t done what I think you have?”

“And what might that be?”

“Blackhawk tickets?”

I grin and the look I receive is like sunbeams bursting through a storm. If I could capture it on film and save it to my own personal hard drive forever, I would die a happy woman. Drew McKnight is the happiest I’ve seen in weeks and weeks and I know I’ve made the best decision to make this trip.

The three-day jaunt to Chicago is amazing and it changes Drew—if only for that short period of time. It’s like we went back to those days in our sweet little villa by the sea. We are happy and nothing gets in the way of it, not even the looming monster of cancer.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last, because we have to come home. But damn, it’s been so worth it.

January, chemo cranks back up and ironically, it’s not as bad as the last rounds. Drew has been in some pain recently, which makes me anxious, but the chemo knocks it right out and he tolerates it well. Other than the hair being gone, which neither of us gives a shit about, he’s holding his own. That’s not to say all is great. He’s dropping weight. It’s not a huge amount. But it’s a pound or so every week. I have to buy him new clothes because he can’t wear his old ones anymore.

He gives me an apologetic grin. “Maybe I should just stick to sweats. With elastic, then I wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“Drew! Don’t be silly.”

He’s lying on the couch and I slide up next to him and hug him. It’s sad to feel how much muscle is no longer there. It’s the wasting away thing that you hear about.

“I’m nothing but a sack of bones, Cate.”

“You’ve lost weight, but we’ll fatten you back up.”

“I love your positive attitude.”

“Drew, you have to have one, too.”

He tilts his head and stares for a minute.

“What?”

“My scans came back today.” Blue eyes, overcast with sadness gut me. Shit shit shit shit shit.

THE LIGHT COMING THROUGH MY window is hazy and gray. Clouds thick with frozen moisture loom above DC, putting the brakes on everything as the city waits with bated breath to see if the possible storm will materialize.

“As much as I hate to say it, you should get home or you’ll be stuck here with me for the foreseeable future.”

“Not a bad thing.” Andy tugs my back closer to his chest.

“We both know the hospital will need you.”

“Maybe I need you more.”

His words light a fire in my heart. I’m beginning to need him like I need food to survive.

“Andy,” I begin.

He groans. “For the record, I hate that we live so far apart. I’m getting used to waking up with you. We should think about getting a place together, somewhere halfway between there and here.”

My mouth goes dry. “What are you saying?”

He turns me around so that I’m facing him. “I’m saying I want us to share space. I’m saying that I need you Cate. We’ve spent enough time apart.”

I place my finger on his cheek and begin to trace his the line of his cheekbone. “No one knows we’re together yet. My parents, yours, … Ben.”

He sighs. “I know. Maybe we should tell them when we go home for Christmas. You are going home?”

I nod. As much as I don’t want to and deal with the questions and possible hurt feelings, I have to face that reality if I plan to be with him. And I’ll have to go back to calling him Drew. I’m not sure I’m ready for that either. The bubble wrap we’ve created around our relationship will finally pop.

“I am. When are you planning to go down?”

He shrugs. “I’m not sure. I’m asking because I thought maybe I could drive you down or back, if not both, depending on our schedules.”

“I’m planning to take the week, not much more.”

“Okay, I’ll see what days I can get off. And there’s something we should discuss later.”

I rise up on an elbow. “Tell me now.” Curiosity makes me feel like a kid at Christmas.

He shakes his head. “I have to leave and this is something we need to talk about. But before I go…” His hand snakes down the sides of my body. When he reaches my hip, one hand moves to my center to test the moisture levels. My climate is ripe for the taking and boy does he take me.

When he finally leaves the bed for the shower, I watch his perfect body with awe. He’s always been a specimen to behold. As his backside disappears into my bathroom, I hustle out after him. By the time he leaves for Baltimore, snow is starting to fall steadily. Nervous about the weather, I wait on pins and needles until he calls to let me know he got home safely.

The rest of my Sunday is spent taking care of the little things like cleaning up and laundry because I’ll be busy soon. I start a new engagement on Monday. The offices where I’ll be working the next few weeks are located on the other side of the Potomac in old town Alexandria, Virginia. It will just put more distance between Andy and me. I have to seriously consider a move so that we are closer together because waking up without him bothers me, too.

The amount of snow we’ve gotten before the official start of winter has all the news organizations talking on Monday morning. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving. That and I wanted to spend it with Andy. It was a quiet affair, the two of us cooking a dinner for the both of us. He got called into the hospital once. He wasn’t gone that long. Otherwise, we spent the weekend together and it was really nice. It made me want what he was offering that much more.

I sit in my living room enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee. Our offices are closed again today because the storm hit us head on. The federal government is closed and that means DC is practically shut down. Many businesses follow the feds as a rule for office closings because the feds rarely do since DC has an extensive public transportation system.

“You are coming to my Christmas party, right?” Jenna’s voice sounds loud and clear as I’m reminded I’m talking on the phone.

“I don’t know.”

“You have to. It’s like bestie code or something. Bring him with you.”

“That’s the thing. I’m not sure I’m ready for everyone to pry into the fact that we’re together again,” I say, even though Andy suggested we come clean.

“People are going to find out soon enough.”

She is right. “Still, don’t you think I should sit down and talk to everyone, not show up at a party with him on my arm? There is Ben to consider.”