“Dan, ah, I think he be sweet at you,” says Mary, who has shown up unexpectedly, no doubt lost.

New mysteries all the time…

I accompany Mary to the ninth floor, where she tells me that a surprise is waiting. Sure enough, in our suite is a tall, weedy young man she introduces as her son. “Captain of college team-ah basketball.”

It’s a full-court press-a final-quarter tactic as the clock ticks down-to get Larry to seal the deal, but I don’t mind feeling manipulated, because I like Ling; he’s an upstanding young man, despite his loose-knuckled handshake. He even brought a gift of a personal plastic fan, which Larry’s placed on the table beside him, its gift ribbons blowing in the breeze. Ling is shy and also a bit rehearsed, with a lot of big words that could come from nowhere but a thesaurus. “My mother is a diligence and docile woman, also hygienic and plausible,” he tells me artlessly.

“You yourself are also diligent, I see. And I’m touched by your loyalty to her,” I tell him. “But it’s Larry’s decision, to make when he sees fit.”

“I see, I see. In that situation I give you two time alone to make farewell,” the son says. He squires his mother toward the hallway. But Mary is not ready to go yet. She balks at the door in her fur coat, looking as glamorous as a movie star. How’d that happen again? Whether or not they stay together, I’m glad she has my grandmother’s baby sister’s coat.

She speaks. “I need you understand me. We all together long long time, not just Larry-Mary: Larry-Mary-Dan. When you go home, I’m no happy.”

She starts dabbing at her eyes.

I still can’t tell if I see tears or not. But you know what? It’s not my business any longer.

“I hope you be happy every day,” I tell her. “And I hope I see you in Florida, if that’s what’s in the cards.”

Her son translates. “Oh, yes,” she says, lighting up. “In cards! Hope yes!”

I busy myself with last-minute packing while they make their way down the hall. When they’re out of earshot, I put it to Larry.

“So what’s the verdict? Marry Mary?”

Larry’s more chipper than I’ve seen him this whole trip, almost sunny. I have the feeling it’s not just because he’s relishing his newfound health; it’s also because he’s vanquished me. He won. He didn’t give me what I wanted. His victory gives him strength.

“My muscles feel lazy as a Kobe cow,” he tells me. “Ever have one of those steaks? They’re hand-massaged for twelve hours a day and given a steady diet of beer. Nuffing like good old-fashioned American beef. I look forward to getting some of those when I get home.”

“They’re Asian,” I point out.

“Are they?” he asks, merrily stretching his back muscles.

I’m feeling the tension, even if he isn’t. I regard his uncharacteristic vivacity with a certain detachment. “You look well rested,” I say.

“Do I?” he says. “Because I’m not. Mary and I finally found something better to do last night than sleep.”

I ignore his leer. It’s Mona Lisa in the clubhouse with her cronies after a satisfying round of golf.

“Congratulations,” I say.

“So what I figure is this,” he says. “No matter how it plays out from here, I still got the better part of the deal.”

“Tell me.”

“I came here for two things. To see if it would work out with Mary. And to see if I could get a kidney. Even if Mary doesn’t work out, I’m still batting.500. And just between you and me, the better.500 of the two, at an eighty-five-percent discount, fifteen cents on the dollar. That’s not bad for my rookie visit to China.”

“You say ‘rookie’ as though there might be more.”

“You never know, Dan. I may just decide to come back and run out the clock here. My pennies will last a lot longer here than at home…”

“Not a bad plan,” I say.

“And my blood pressure’s still coming down, so I just may not stroke out after all. Plus, I’m gonna ride in a Bentley.”

He pauses while he treats me to the sound of his diseased teeth triumphantly cracking the hard candies he’s nicked from various nurses’ stations. I place my toiletries in my bag, leaving out the black and gold yarmulke for Larry to keep. I’m aware that these are the final moments I’ll be breathing a certain loamy scent. Everything’s ready except for my laptop, but just as I reach to turn if off-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-it’s the brood from candeyblossoms.com. Yet they’ll have to go unanswered, by me, forever. I shut it down and zip my bag closed.

“And Mary?” I ask.

“I’ve talked to her in depth about her deceptions. That’s what I called them, no beating around the bush. I’m being very tough with her.”

“Good.”

“I told her there will have to be changes from now on. Because I continue to catch her lying about things, big and little. It’s an ingrained habit, makes me wary.”

“As well it might.”

“I put it to her in no uncertain terms that if I’m willing to go ahead and finance her education-”

“Larry-”

“-that I’m going to insist on a prenup.”

“Now you’re talking.”

“So she won’t get her half of my estate until a year passes-”

“Larry, make it five years! Ten years! This is supposed to be a long-term relationship.”

“I’m cutting her a little slack.”

“I swear, Larry, in your own way you’re a lot more forgiving than I am.”

“I’m just not ready to close the door. Maybe she has her reasons for doing what she does.”

“People always do.”

“Yes they do! And who knows, under my tutelage she may just turn into an honest woman after all. In which case I’m fully prepared to marry her and make her my wife. But if I decide she’s playing me for the village idiot, she’s dead in the water.”

“You don’t mean literally.”

“Probably not. But I’ll cut my losses and move on.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“You can beat a dead horse for only so long before it starts to decay.”

“Glad to hear those words, Larry, even if they do sound Chinese.”

“You want Chinese? ‘Be virtuous, but without being consciously so; and wherever you go, you will be loved.’”

“What, you’re quoting Confucius now?”

“Hey, I keep my ear to the ground. Bottom line, who are we to judge if she’s the real McCoy or not? The only thing I know for sure is that she’s spending a lot of effort to please me, and if she keeps that up, I’ll end up fat and happy. Does that make sense to you?”

“It makes Larry sense to me.”

“Thank you, I think,” he says. “It’s like what my futha used to say: ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.’”

“Larry!” I say as the fridge squawks, dying yet another death. “Did you hear what you just did? You just quoted your father.”

“I know. I’m speechless.”

But not for long. He picks up the portable fan from the table and holds the grille against his lips. “You made my day, Dan.” He puts it down.

“You’re welcome. So can I set you up with a wheelchair at the airport?”

“Right. Like I’m gonna accept a wheelchair. Dan, think about the stories you have to tell when you get home: How good a character would I be if I did everything you asked? Who’d want to hear about me if I was the type to take a wheelchair?”

“So really you’re doing it for me, as you have been all along.”

“An argument could be made, yes. Just don’t act like you didn’t get something out of this, too, don’t forget.”

“And that would be what?” I ask.

“You didn’t get smoke rings puffed in your face by Chinese soldiers this time.”

We exchange a small smile. But that’s the most we’re going to get or give.

“Want an update on my latest lawsuit, nuffing to do with caviar?”

“No thanks.”

“Didn’t think so.”

So long. So long. We shake hands. No question of a hug; I’ve had plenty with the others.

“Get that goldfish a bigger bowl, will you please?” I say.

“Right. And you check both ways before crossing the street.”

I’m out the door, down the elevator, crossing the silent lobby where the usual patients shuffle sadly about in their dingy Yankee uniforms. I’m going to miss this Giant Mushroom of Hope and Dread, with its glittering marble floors and carpets of broken calligraphy. I leave the hospital for the last time, followed by a maid who polishes off my footsteps so there’s no trace of me left. No sooner am I down the steps to the sidewalk than Abu putters up on his motor scooter, wearing childlike woolen mittens, badminton rackets in a pouch over his shoulder like a quiver of arrows. He’s unhappy because his father’s in such dire straits, but he insists on taking me to the train station, my suitcase on my lap, so I can make my way back to Beijing.