"Ayla…?"

"Yes," she said, keeping her back turned and struggling to keep her voice from cracking.

"Is there… anything I can do before I leave?"

She didn't answer immediately. She wanted to say something that would change his mind, and tried frantically to think of a way to bring him closer to her, to keep him interested. The horses, he liked Racer. He liked riding him.

"Yes, there is," she finally said, fighting to sound normal.

He had turned to go when she didn't answer, but turned back quickly.

"You could help me train Racer… as long as you're here. I don't have as much time to take him out as I should." She allowed herself to turn around and face him again.

Did he imagine that she looked pale, that she was trembling? "I don't know how long I'll be here," he said, "but I'll do what I can." He started to say more, he wanted to tell her he loved her and that he was leaving because she deserved more. She deserved someone who would love her without reservation, someone like Ranec. He looked down while he searched for the right words.

Ayla was afraid she wouldn't be able to hold back the tears much longer. She turned to the mare and began to brush her again, then dropped the brush and was astride her and riding in one smooth action. Jondalar looked up and stepped back a few paces, surprised, and watched Ayla and the mare galloping up the slope, with Racer and the young wolf following behind. He stood there long after they were out of sight, then slowly walked back to the lodge.

The anticipation and tension were so intense on the night before the Spring Festival that no one could sleep. Both children and adults stayed up late. Latie was in a state of especially high excitement, feeling impatient one moment and nervous the next about the short puberty ceremony that would announce her readiness to begin preparations for the Celebration of Womanhood that would take place at the Summer Meeting.

Though she had reached physical maturity, her womanhood would not be complete until the ceremony that would culminate in the First Night of Pleasures when a man would open her so that she could receive the impregnating spirits joined by the Mother. Only when she was capable of motherhood was she considered a woman in all respects and, therefore, available for establishing a hearth and joining with a man to form a union. Until then, she would exist in the in-between state of no-longer-child but not-yet-woman, when she would learn about womanhood, motherhood, and men from older women and Those Who Served the Mother.

The men, except for Mamut, had been chased out of the Mammoth Hearth. All the women had gathered there while Latie was being instructed, for the ceremony the next night, to offer moral support, advice, and helpful suggestions to the fledgling woman. Though she was there as an older woman, Ayla was learning as much as the young woman.

"You won't have much to do tomorrow night, Latie," Mamut was explaining. "Later you will have more to learn, but this is just to give notice. Talut will make the announcement, then I will give you the muta. Keep it in a safe place until you are ready to establish your own hearth."

Latie, sitting in front of the old man, nodded, feeling shy, but rather enjoying all the attention.

"You understand, after tomorrow, you must never be alone with a man, or even speak to any man alone, until you are fully a woman," Mamut said.

"Not even Danug or Druwez?" Latie asked.

"No, not even them," he said. The old shaman explained that during this transitional time, when she lacked the protection of both the guardian spirits of childhood and the full power of womanhood, she was considered very vulnerable to malignant influences. She would be required to stay within the watchful eye of some woman at all times, and must not even be alone with her brother or her cousin.

"What about Brinan? Or Rydag?" the young woman asked.

"They are still children," Mamut said. "Children are always safe. They have protective spirits hovering around all the time. That's why you must be protected now. Your guardian spirits are leaving you, making way for the life force, the Mother's power, to enter."

"But Talut or Wymez wouldn't harm me. Why can't I talk to them alone?"

"Male spirits are drawn to the life force, just as you will find that men are drawn to you now. Some male spirits are jealous of the Mother's power. They may try to take it from you, at this time, when you are vulnerable. They cannot use it to create life, but it is a powerful force. Without proper precaution, a male spirit may enter and even if he doesn't steal your life force, he may damage or overpower it. Then you may never have children, or your desires may become those of a male, and you will wish to share Pleasures with women."

Latie's eyes opened wide. She didn't know it was that dangerous. "I'll be careful, I won't let any male spirit come too close, but… Mamut…"

"What is it, Latie?"

"What about you, Mamut? You're a man."

Several women giggled, and Latie blushed. Maybe it was a stupid question.

"I would have asked the same question," Ayla remarked. Latie gave her a grateful look.

"It is a good question," Mamut said. "I am a man, but I also Serve Her. It would probably be safe to talk to me any time, and of course, for certain rituals when I am acting as One Who Serves, you will have to speak to me alone, Latie. But I think it would still be a good idea not to come just to visit me or to speak to me unless another woman is with you."

Latie nodded, frowning seriously, beginning to feel the responsibility of establishing a new relationship with people she had known and loved all her life.

"What happens when a male spirit steals the life force?" Ayla asked, very curious about these interesting beliefs of the Mamutoi that were somewhat similar, yet very different from the traditions of the Clan.

"Then you have a powerful shaman," Tulie said.

"Or an evil one," Crozie added.

"Is that true, Mamut?" Ayla asked. Latie looked surprised and puzzled, and even Deegie, Tronie, and Fralie turned to Mamut with interest.

The old man gathered his thoughts, trying to choose his answer carefully. "We are only Her children," he began. "It is difficult for us to know why Mut, the Great Mother, selects some of us for special purposes. We only know that She has Her reasons. Perhaps there are times when She has need for someone of exceptional power. Some people may be born with certain gifts. Others may be chosen later, but no one is chosen without Her knowledge." Several eyes shifted toward Ayla, trying not to be conspicuous about it.

"She is the Mother of all," he continued. "No one can know Her completely, in all Her faces. That's why the face of the Mother is unknown on the figures that represent Her." Mamut turned to the oldest woman of the Camp. "What is evil, Crozie?"

"Evil is malicious harm. Evil is death," the old woman replied with conviction.

"The Mother is all, Crozie. The face of Mut is the birth of spring, the bounty of summer, but it is also the little death of winter. Hers is the power of life, but the other face of life is death. What is death but return to Her to be reborn? Is death evil? Without death, there can be no life. Is evil malicious harm? Perhaps, but even those who seem to work evil, do so for Her reasons. Evil is a force She controls, a means to accomplish Her purposes; it is only an unknown face of the Mother."

"But what happens when a male force steals the life force of a woman?" Latie asked. She didn't want philosophies, she wanted to know.

The Mamut looked at her speculatively. She was almost a woman, she had the right to be told. "She will die, Latie."

The girl shivered.

"Even if it is stolen. Some may remain, enough for her to start a new life. The life force that resides in a woman is so powerful she may not know it was stolen until she is giving birth. When a woman dies in childbirth, it is always because a male spirit stole her life force before she was opened. That's why it is not healthy to wait too long for the Womanhood ceremony. If the Mother had made you ready last fall, I would have talked to Nezzie about arranging a gathering of a few Camps to have a ceremony so you would not go through the winter unprotected, even though it means you would have missed the excitement of the celebration at the Summer Meeting."