We lay quiet till the junction of our bodies nearly ended. — Then, “You wanted a fuck,” said I. — “Ah! yes” — she replied with a sigh. Then she wanted to wash. — “Don't, and I'll do it again.” — “No, you can't — can you — but you mustn't. — Wait. — I must, — I will wash” — and throwing my prick out, she sluiced her cunt, a reeking cunt, — for she was a juicy one, and our spendings were issuing fast on to her thigh, as she lay on her side facing me, struggling to get up, whilst I tried to hold her down. I washed as well, and then she begged me to leave. “Now do — for God sake.” — “I'll do you again.” — “You know you can't — do go — I've only let the servant go for an hour, and the rest of them are at church

— I suppose.” “Where are the rest of the family?”

— “Now never mind, ask no questions.” — “Are you married?” — “I shan't answer you — do go.” — “You'd like another fuck wouldn't you?” said I chaffing. — “You can't do it if I should, — now go.”

There was something about the lady which now made me want to have her again. — I'd no desire when first I saw her. — Now the affair excited me and stimulated my lust — I showed her my prick which was large, hanging, but not stiff. — “Feel it, you'll make it stiff enough if you try.” — She looked earnestly at my machine, went to the door and listened, then stood looking at me. I went up to her and frigged it. — The lewed but agitated look came over her white face again. — “I'm so frightened. If you are caught here I'm ruined, tell me exactly what the time is.” — I did. — But before I looked at my watch, put my prick in her hand. She held it handling it softly in a nervous way, it grew larger and larger, and a slightly voluptuous thrill shot thro it. “Let me look at your cunt well and it will be stiff,” said I — Without a word she went back to the bed, and laid on it, I threw up her clothes to her navel, had a good look at her notch and its neighbouring charms. — “You've had a child,” said I. — She pushed down her clothes and sat up. — “Are you going to have me?” was all her reply, and fearing hindrance I mounted her. It was a longish fuck, for my prick was not quite rigid at first, but I managed it. She was voluptuous and charming in her caresses, her cunt fitted me, and I spent with delight in her, feeling her big smooth buttocks. She was a well fleshed woman.

I uncunted from a cunt which seemed as wet as before. She didn't wash — all she seemed to want was to get away — her anxiety seemed extreme. I wanted to talk, was curious. — “Ask me nothing, — won't tell you. — Go for God's sake — if you're caught here I can't tell the consequences.” — “Here's a sovereign.” — “Oh! put it down” — said she laughing as if it were a good joke. — “I'll call next week.” — “Oh! — my God, — do nothing of the sort, — but I shan't be here if you do.” — Then kissing me, permitting me to feel her cunt in the passage way, yet almost pushing me out of the street door whilst I did so, I departed. — I was not in the house half an hour.

A fortnight after in the day time, I went to look at the house. — On the first floor window “apartments” was written — I did not call to ask questions, thinking I might get the lady into trouble and perhaps myself as well. — Who and what was she who wanted fucking so badly? for I'm sure that's why she had me — I fancy she was a lodger there, and either married or kept. — I have an impression married. This adventure terminated the year.

I have had most of my adventures with half and half women — widows, wives or others, who hot arsed only get a bit of strange cock on the sly — in the winter months. This piece of luck occurred quite at the end of this year, during which and the preceding one, I had certainly a large variety in my amours, and erotic amusements.

[More manuscript must be destroyed for mere abbreviation will be useless. — Eighty pages must go to the flames. — The narrative thus curtailed cannot show clearly the gradual development of abnormal excentric tastes, and necessitates an epitome of some years to supply the hiatus. Some of the most conspicuous incidents I shall keep as originally written or nearly so, and they will take their place chronologically.]

[Some years before I met H*l*n M***w**d, I had been frequently at * * * * * and more frequently at bordels than for many years previously. I principally visited one where there were (and still are) about twenty women on the establishment, who sit nightly nearly naked in the saloon, a bewildering, voluptuous sight. Idealities becoming an increasing source of delight to me, and abnormal erotic letches and fancies coursing through my brain whenever I was in rut, variety in form and color of my women, and in their postures, being to me more charming than ever, I sought this lapunar. There I had one, two, or three women, or more at a time and got much voluptuous enjoyment — had all those voluptuous preliminaries which a stiff prick suggests, and never hurried myself to the delicious crisis which for a time destroys desire.

[It is doubtful however whether I got more pleasure, from having three women together, than I got by one alone; so soon as my prick had stretched the cunt, and fucking had begun. But idealities in the preliminaries, and even during the consummation of love, are much — perhaps almost every thing in love. — Is it not the beauty, the taste of the eye the thoughts, which more frequently than otherwise make the sole difference in the pleasure between fucking one woman and another — makes the difference between a cunt which a man thinks pretty, and one which he thinks ugly?

[There was one woman at the lapunar whom I selected often for her exquisite form and sweet face, named Elaine — a Luxembourg woman. She took a fancy to me, and after a time told me much of the inner life of a brothel, of its internal economy, and the habits of the inmates. She told me of those who were much sought after and always had five, six or seven men a night. Elaine saved money, and in three years be-came sous-maitresse, and was then supposed to have ceased fucking there; yet I had her there once or twice, on the sly. She then left and set up a bordel of her own. One named Hortense succeeded her, and then Alexandrine.]

Chapter IX

H*l*n M***w**d revisited. • Curiosity and plain words. • Confidence begun. • Fucking on trust. • Cuntal essentials to a sensitive penis. • Nelly's assistance. • The cabinet maker naked. • Masks. • Masturbations and copulations. • The naked steel pen hawker. • Nipple and quim. • Sophy's white shoulders and onanism. • Pudenda's piddling. • A fuck for a half crown. • A cuntal purse. • Twin sister harlots, Cissy and Amy. • A fuck for champagne. • My confessions to H*l*n. • On cuntal physiognomies.

Then the attraction of H*l*n M***w**d took me to her again, and I revelled in her voluptuous and expensive charms. She complimented me by saying, there was plenty of stuff in me and seemed to enjoy my em-braces. — On my remarking that, she said curtly, — “I didn't say so.” — After that I went at times to the A*g**e to look at her, and she came to me leaving her group of admirers, and actually asked me to go to see her. I refused that — “You're the strangest man I ever had, but I like talking with you. Come and see me, to-morrow, and you can stay as long as you like.” I fixed a day a little later, yielding to her fascination spite of myself. On the day, I thought that I wouldn't go. — “It's only a gay woman.” But I keep my word even with them, and went there. It was cold weather, large fires were in her rooms, she was but slightly clad as becomes courtesans, whose beauties should be easily seen and felt. — Before the fire I felt her perfumed cleft, whilst the grateful warmth played on her lovely thighs and belly. “It's cold, I wish you'd let me get into bed with you.” — “All right.” — In three minutes our limbs were inter-lacing between the sheets — I was silent, thinking of her manifold beauties, feeling the juicy folds, twisting my fingers in the soft curls of her mount, kissing her sweet lips, anticipating the climax. What she was thinking of I know not, but curiously she felt me all over which she'd never done before, and settled on my prick with a handling peculiar to her, which I recognized more fully afterwards. Soon my glowing rod was buried deeply in her warm lubricious cunt, and with frantic thrusts my sperm flushed into her. Soon after that we fucked again, but she annoyed me by getting out to wash after each emulsion which my pego gave her.